Upsetting the Merry Men
by Amers3
Summary: While Ranger is out of town it is the job of the Merry Men to make sure that Steph stays unharmed. When Steph gets a cold the guys go crazy believing the worst, that she is pregnant.
1. Day 1

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

* * *

Upsetting the Merry Men

Day 1

Ranger was up at five to get ready to leave. He had a mission to go and his flight was leaving in a little over an hour. He quickly jumped in the shower not knowing when his next one was going to be. He toweled off rehearsing what he was going to tell Steph. He grabbed a bagel and his bag and made his way out the door. He took the elevator down to the fourth floor, there he got out and made his way to 4D where Steph was currently staying.

Her last spat with Morelli was over two months ago and Ranger still hadn't made a move towards her. Morelli had yelled at her for the usual things: Ranger, her job, and her marrying him. After their fight Steph had gone to Ranger asking if she could work for him again.

"This isn't to get back at Morelli, is it?" Was the only thing that Ranger had wanted to know?

"It started out that way, but then I looked at my empty fridge this morning and decided it was for the best."

Ranger had shaken his head and hired her, giving her a distraction to do that night.

Now two months later she was still working for him and had moved in. Now she only had to worry about Ranger or one of the Merry Men breaking in to drag her out for a morning run.

Ranger used his key to get into her apartment. He set his bag down by the door and made his way into her room. Steph lay on top of the bed with the covers on the ground surrounding the bed. Ranger sat down next to her and watched her sleep.

"I don't want to run."

"Babe."

"Ranger don't make me."

"Babe, I'm not."

"Thank you."

"I'm leaving."

Steph bolted up, wide awake. "For how long?"

"It shouldn't be longer than a week."

"Be safe."

"Babe, don't go crazy." Ranger leaned over to give her kiss and then he was gone.

Steph didn't bother going back to sleep, she got up and tried to put some semblance of order to her bed. After that she jumped in the shower to get ready for the day.

Steph dressed in her uniform of all black and made her way to five to begin her day.

The guys of Rangeman were charged with the duty of making sure that she was safe. Ranger stopped at the control room before leaving to make sure that she would be looked after while he was gone. The guys weren't going to screw this up.

Steph worked till noon doing searches for the guys and then went to go catch up at the bond's office. She stopped at the Cluck-in-a-Bucket before she went so she would have something for the girls when she got there. When she did get there, there was a black truck parked outside of the building. Great they were following her.

Steph paid no never mind to it and she went right in and was surprised that it was Woody who was with her today. She was even more surprised that he was waiting inside the Bond's Office instead of inside the truck at the curb.

"Hey Woody."

"Afternoon Bombshell." He said nodding his head in her direction. "You left without me."

"I didn't know I was suppose to wait for anyone. Connie there any files for me?"

"Only one Steph."

"Thanks." Steph didn't wait; she left the chicken there and went out into the alley. She leaned against the wall and flipped through the file trying to focus on it. All she could think of was Ranger. Woody followed her out and leaned next to her trying to read the file with her.

"I hate having you guys feel as if you have to protect me when Ranger's gone."

"Come on Darlin' we don't want to see you getting hurt."

"I don't have a partner when Ranger is here I don't see why I should have one when he isn't here."

"Ranger would skin us all alive if something happened to you while he was gone. Besides when Ranger is here he is your partner."

"Sorry Woody I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I just miss him already." Steph commented looking around the alleyway wistfully.

Woody looked around the alley too. He didn't see anything then guided Steph towards the truck.

"Come on we'll share the truck today."

Together the two of them went out to drag Kevin Barlow back into the system. Woody parked across the street from his house.

"Alright Darlin', I'll take lead." Woody was telling her as the picked their way across the toy-strewn yard.

"I don't think so Woody, he's mine I can take him."

"But…" before Woody could protest anymore the front door flew open.

"Steph I'm sorry." Kevin came running out wearing a huge winter jacket, mittens, boots, and at least three scarves. "I totally forgot. I don't know what happened. Who's this?" Kevin asked pointing to Woody.

"Partner."

"What happened to the chick?"

"The guys thought you might cause a problem."

"Why?"

"They're guys."

Woody grunted at that and Kevin just looked confused. Steph didn't bother to go into further detail she just opened the back door so Kevin could get in. Kevin talked to Steph the entire ride to the police station.

"It wasn't until this morning that I remembered that I had forgotten that I had to remember to go to that hearing. By then of course it was too late to have remembered so I got my stuff ready because I knew you'd come get me just like the last time that I had forgotten to remember to go."

"Yeah Kevin, just like last time."

"I know and after last time I told myself. I said to myself that I had to remember to make it to the hearing. And did I remember? No, of course I didn't, I forgot. I can't believe that I had forgotten again. I had even remembered to write it on the calendar that I keep in the kitchen. But you see the thing was that I had forgotten to look at the calendar so I didn't remember to go. But next time, next time I will remember to look so that I remember to go so that you don't have to keep coming to get me."

Kevin continued to apologize no matter how many times Steph had told him that it was all right.

"And look I remembered to bundle up today because yesterday I hadn't and I got this cold you see. My nose is all plugged up and I can hardly breath. I just feel terrible. But my mama told me that when you're sick you have to drink lots of liquids, so I am. I hope that you don't have to be out much longer today Steph you don't want to catch a cold."

"I'm sure I won't Kevin, come on. Connie should be here to bail you out."

"All right Steph you're the greatest."

Woody stayed in the car amazed at how much and how fast that guy had talked. He hadn't even waited five minutes when Steph came out with her check in hand.

"You ready?"

"Back to the office?"

"Yeah and then back to Haywood."

"That's it?"

"Yeah why?"

"Damn Darlin', you're suppose to be my excuse for dumping my work on the other guys."

"Sorry Woody." Steph said laughing. "Looks like you're going to have to do your own paperwork."

Steph didn't do much when she got back to the apartment that day. She watched Ghostbusters while eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream then afterwards she checked her messages.

4 new messages. Where was she when these came in?

First new message. "Darlin' what happened? You left without me."

Oh no. She couldn't believe she hadn't heard the phone all morning. She had missed Woody's call.

Second new message. "Stephanie this is your mother. You haven't been by for dinner in a while; I'm making a pot roast tonight see if Joseph wants to come. Be here by six."

Great another meal having to explain to my mother that she is no longer with Joe.

Third new message. "Cupcake? Bob misses you."

Not even going to address that one.

Fourth new message. "Steph its Connie. Turns out Kevin has the flu, just want to give you a heads up in case you got sick."

Shit. She didn't want to get sick, she hated getting sick. She is a terrible sick person.

_

* * *

_

A/N: I absolutely love the stories that have the Merry Men in them so I wanted to write one that incorporated them all, so Ta-Da, this is what I came up with. Let me know what you think and what you'd think would be funny if it were to occur.


	2. Day 2

**Standard Disclaimer Applies: **_Some topics not suitable for young children._

**Day 2**

Steph woke up the next morning and her head felt like it was going to explode. Her nose was stuffed and running at the same time. Her throat was scratchy and she was sure that by the end of the day she would be coughing. She grabbed some Dayquil and the phone.

"Bond's Office."

"Connie."

"Steph? You sound terrible."

"I'm sick I don't think I am going to be in for awhile."

"Sure no problem Steph, just come on in when you feel better."

"I don't think so tell her to get her ass back in here because I am not losing these bonds." Vinnie exploded in the background.

"Bye Steph get better."

"Thanks Connie."

Great that done now she had to get through the day with the guys, that shouldn't be too bad since her apartment was just downstairs.

Steph continued to go through her normal morning routine, heading towards the elevator with her coffee in hand.

"Hold the doors!"

Steph pressed the button to open doors and Bobby slide in.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"How'd your day go yesterday, Bomber? I saw Woody in the office so they must not have given you too much trouble."

"No, actually we didn't even have to get out of the car, Kevin was already to go when we got there."

"No shit. We must be using a different technique then you do because…"

The doors beeped open on five and the two of them walked towards the cubicles together.

"…We usually have to chase ours down."

"I hate those skips."

"Yeah me too, see you later Bomber."

Steph waved him off as she sat down and took in her stack of files that needed searches done. She was going to be here forever.

As she waited for her searches to run she remembered Kevin telling her that she should drink liquids, maybe that would work, she really didn't want to be sick forever.

She walked down the kitchen to get herself something to ease her throat but Rangeman didn't supply Sprite. So she stuck with water.

Steph finished up her search as well as her bottle of water so she started another one and went to go get another water. Maybe the more liquids she drank the faster she healed. After another bottle and two searches later she found out that the only thing she had to do was pee a lot.

The first pee break she knocked and then had to wait until the guys cleared out. The second time she sent Lester in to see if it was clear. The third time she ran in past Hal who was busy going himself and went right into the stall. She was coming out after the fourth time to see Tank standing outside the door.

"You okay Bombshell?"

"Yeah?"

"Guys were just wondering since usual you go to your apartment if you have to …um… go."

"I don't what it is Tank it just keeps hitting me all of a sudden today."

Tank looked like he didn't really want her to share that information with him. He just nodded and made his way back to his office, shutting his door behind him.

By lunch time she was starving water just wasn't a substitute for food. She ran another search as she went up to her place to make lunch. She got out the makings for a peanut butter and olive sandwich, but before she could make it there was a knock on the door.

She bread on the counter and went to go see who was at her door.

"Hey Bomber."

"Hey Ram." Steph stood there waiting for him to part with whatever had brought him to her door.

"I'm suppose to go with you today when you go for skips."

"Oh. I was thinking of staying in." Steph stood back and let Ram in. "Come on I was making lunch."

Ram stood in the kitchen watching her put together sandwich. "You want one?" Steph offered when she looked up to find him watching.

"No thanks I'm good." Ram barely suppressed a face.

Steph brought the sandwich up to take a bite. Unfortunately she smelled the peanut butter first and her stomach flipped. No not her damn cold, her six-hour medicine was wearing off after four, figures.

She tossed the sandwich on the counter and bolted to the bathroom. She barely made it when her breakfast donut decided to make a reappearance.

"Jesus." She heard from Ram behind her.

"…Hair…" Steph managed to get out between her gagging.

Ram some how understood and struggled to get her hair together. Ram looked around the bathroom for something to put it together with. There was gel and clips and bunches of cloth that he didn't know what they were used for. He pulled out his phone, as Steph was sick again.

"Bobby Steph's sick."

"Like bleeding?"

"Umm, I really don't want to have to ask her that. You're the doc you get down here and ask her."

"NOT THAT KIND." Bobby screeched out revolted. The guys working around him paused to glance at him. Bobby waved them off.

"Oh, no. She is throwing up and she told me to get her hair out of her way but I don't know what to put it in."

Bobby sat there spinning in his chair. "Well I don't know what she uses to pull her hair back."

Lester rolled his chair over into Bobby's cubby. "Hang on Ram."

"What's going on?"

"Steph sick and Ram don't know how to tie her hair back."

Lester rolled back and forth in his chair. "I think it looks like a rubber band."

Bobby relayed Lester's advice to Ram.

"A rubber band?"

Steph shook her head. "Ram, I think I'm done."

"Oh. Never mind guys she's finished."

Lester leaned over Bobby and shouted so Ram could hear him. "Well find out what it is so we know in case there is a next time."

Ram hung up and handed Steph a glass of water so she could rinse out her mouth. "What exactly was I suppose to use to tie your hair back?"

Steph shook her head at him and picked up the little bunch of cloth from the counter. She stretched it out so I could see that it formed a circle. Then she put it into her hair.

"Ta-da." She finished.

"Got it."

Ram left the bathroom so Steph could pull herself back together, when she came out Ram was reclining on the couch.

"Bomber you scared the shit out of me when you went running."

"Sorry Ram."

"I didn't know what was going on."

"You're lucky I was throwing up and didn't just have to go really bad, huh?"

Ram blushed. "Yes, ma'am."

There was a knock on the door and Bobby walked in without waiting for someone to let him in. "How are you Bomber?"

"I'm exhausted and my head is killing me."

"That isn't to unusual. Why don't you go lie down and I'll get you something for your head?"

"I think I'll pass Bobby. If I put anything in my stomach right now it'll probably come back up. I'll just sleep and hope that it is gone by the time I wake up."

"All right, Bomber, but if it is still there take something."

"I will."

"I'll let Tank know that you have the rest of the day off."

"Thanks, Bobby."


	3. Fifth Floor Meeting

**Standard Disclaimer Applies: As much as I like the Merry Men they will forever belong to Janet**

* * *

**Fifth Floor**

Bobby went upstairs to rejoin the guys in the kitchen to discuss Steph.

"Maybe it's just a cold." Woody was saying.

"Yeah but what if it isn't." Ram wanted to know. "She was throwing up even when there was nothing left in her stomach."

"I remember when my sister went through morning sickness. It lasted all day, I don't know why they call in morning sickness." Cal was informing the rest of the guys. "And it's not like any of us are there in the morning to see if she is throwing up then."

"You think she could be pregnant?" Hal turned white. The guys all did the classic Bombshell move of rolling their eyes.

Ram ignored Hal's comment. "It was just chance that I was there when she did throw up."

"It's not like she would have told any of us otherwise." Lester put in his two-cents.

"But it could be just a bug." Woody said again. "Let's not start worrying over nothing."

"You're right we need to find out for sure." Bobby joined in.

The guys all looked at Bobby and waited.

"Hey wait a minute. I deal with gunshot and knife wounds. I don't know anything about pregnant women." Bobby said backing up holding his hands in front of him.

"Pregnant women. Oh God what will the boss say?" Hal worried.

"It has to be his right?" Lester said.

The room went silent.

That was when Tank walked in. "What the hell are all of you standing around for?"

"Um…" Ram mumbled.

"Well…" Hal started.

"Actually…" Cal said slowly.

"You don't want to know." Woody finally got out.

"Know what?" Tank boomed out.

"Well Steph was sick and we well, maybe…you never know… but she could… might be pregnant." Bobby stuttered in.

Tank stood there and paled as much as a black man could. "Shit, but you aren't sure?"

"Nope." Lester answered. "The doc here doesn't even know the signs." He stated pointing at Bobby.

Bobby was already to make a retort, but Tank cut him off. "Well, Santos, then it's your job to find out what some of the signs are. Every one else back to work." Tank turned and left the room. The guys were just finishing the clean up from their lunchtime mess when Tank reappeared in the doorway. "And not a word to Ranger, when he calls." Then he left again shutting himself in his office.

Lester sat at his computer dreading his new research project. He brought up Google and searched 'signs that you're pregnant'. Man did he really not want to what they were; he'd start seeing them everywhere.

His search resulted in a link that stated 'Am I Pregnant?' so he clicked that one bringing him to a 10 Signs that your Pregnant page.

_Cramps_ - You may feel crampy like you have or are about to get your period.

_Fatigue _- If all you can think about at work is taking a nap or if you're too exhausted to keep up with everyday activities like hitting the gym, then it may be your body adjusting to its new mini inhabitant.

_Nausea _- some women may experience more subtle sickness early on.

_Sore Breasts_ - after the egg is fertilized, they increase your blood volume, which makes your breasts swell and feel heavier than usual.

_Bloating_ –Not just weight gain but that same puffiness that usually occurs during your period, start watching for that stick to turn pink.

_Peeing More Often_ - Getting up for more bathroom breaks may be the result of your kidneys starting to kick into overdrive; they have to flush out fluid more efficiently during pregnancy.

_Cravings_ - Your overtired body may demand extra carbs now because they're easily metabolized, which helps keep energy levels up.

_Headaches_ - Increasing blood volume may trigger frequent but mild tension headaches in the first few weeks of pregnancy.

_Mood Swings_ - feeling massive amounts of fatigue, which makes you more prone to moodiness. Plus headaches and bloating need we say more?

_Basal Body Temperature_ – Oral temperature raises.

After reading the list Lester was practically groaing. "Holy Shit! Alright guys I have it."

"Well?" Bobby came over. The rest of guys crowded around behind Bobby trying to see

"Alright, I guess someone should get Tank."

"I'm here. Let's take this to the conference room."

Everybody trooped to the conference room where Lester was bringing up the site on screen.

"Okay, Lester read down the list if any of you have seen any of these changes say something." Tank nodded to Lester so he would begin.

"Okay. Number one cramps." Lester looked around the room, not one face was turned in his direction. "I guess this is going to get a little awkward."

"How the hell are we suppose to know if she has cramps?" Cal wanted to know. He didn't get an answer.

"Okay moving on fatigue."

"Well hell," Bobby spoke up. "She is sleeping now, the girl is always sleeping."

"Yeah but she never takes naps in the middle of the work day. And besides she wasn't even going to go skip chasing today." Ram told them.

"Why not?" Lester wanted to know.

"Because your number three on your list occurred." Ram told him.

"Oh." the room got silent for a moment and then Lester went on. "Okay well sore breasts."

"I ain't even going to go there."

"No way in hell."

"Count me out."

"Gentlemen." Tank calmed them all down.

"I guess we could always bump into her or something to see if she over reacts." Hal spoke up. The guys thought about for a minute.

"Yeah" Lester agreed. "That might work. Okay bloating." Silence. "Alright having to pee move often?"

"Hell yeah. This morning she didn't even knock when I was in there she just flew right past me." Hal said agitated.

"Yeah I asked her about that since she usually goes upstairs but she said that it kept and I quote 'hitting her suddenly.'" Tank told them, the guys took a second to ponder that.

"Alrighty then does anybody know if she has any craving lately for carbs?"

"I don't know if this counts but she was making a peanut and olive sandwich when we were in her apartment. If that ain't a weird craving I don't know what is." Ram told them all. The men made a face and nodded along with him.

"Well then that brings us to headaches."

"Yeah she has one now. Or at least she did. She didn't want to take anything for it because she didn't think she'd be able to keep it down." Bobby informed them.

"Then that brings us to the last item since there is no way that any of us would know already if the temperature in her mouth has risen." Lester looked around the room just in case. "Okay then mood swings?"

"Yeah." Woody said.

"Well go on."

"We were in the alleyway behind the bond's office and she was all upset with us for wanting to follow her around. The next moment every thing was fine and we were on our way to get the skip. She just blamed it on missing Ranger."

"He wasn't even gone five hours then." Tank said, but Woody just shrugged. "Okay what have we got?"

Cramps - ?

Fatigue – napped in the middle of day

Nausea - yeah.

Soreness - ?

Bloating –?

Peeing More Often - Hell yeah.

Cravings – Peanut butter and olives (disgusting)

Headaches - yeah

Mood Swings - yeah.

Basal Body Temperature - ?

"So we got to see if these four things are affecting Steph?" Hal asked.

"Yes. I want to be absolutely sure before we say anything to Ranger." Then there was a knock on the door. "Enter." Tank barked.

It was Binky. "Ranger's on the line."

Tank got up and went over to Binky. "Make a plan to find out the rest." Then he was gone.

After Tank left they shut the door again and tried to come up with different ways to figure out the other symptoms.

"I know." Lester said.

"You're not going to be feeling her up." Bobby told him.

"I know I was thinking we could let Hector do that."

"What?" The other guys asked in disbelief.

"Well she wouldn't think anything of it. He would just apologize for hitting her and she'd brush it off since he's gay. If any of us were to do that she'd think we were coping a feel." Lester said very proudly.

"Actually, that might work." Woody agreed.

The rest of the guys nodded and called Hector into the conference room. Lester went off with him to explain to him the situation. Hector agreed reluctantly but kept wondering why they didn't just ask her. The guys just shook their heads.

"For the cramps we could just give her a couple of surveillance shifts. We're bound to notice if she is in any discomfort then." Bobby suggested.

Again more nods.

"We could go check on the temperature thing now." Cal said. "She sleeps through everything, she'd probably sleep right through someone sticking a thermometer in her mouth."

"Good you go do that." Lester told him.

Tank walked back in as they were stumped over the issue of bloating. How the hell were they suppose to figure that one out. "Maybe we should skip that one." Ram said.

"Yeah that sounds good. Nine out of ten is pretty good." Hal agreed.

"Ten out of ten would be better." Tank argued.

"Then you figure that one out."

"Don't start with me Hal you're not the one who has to tell the boss."

"Maybe we should let her do that." Bobby said stopping the argument.

_A/N: This Chapter felt a little off to me, let me know if you like it_


	4. Fourth Floor Apartments

**Standard Disclaimer Applies.**

_Sorry that this one is short but I figured you'd rather have me post it now than have to wait for more._

* * *

**Day 2 **

**Fourth Floor**

Cal silently exited the stairway on the fourth floor.

How the hell had the guys roped him into doing this?

He walked down the hall to Steph's apartment and easily picked the lock to get in. He checked the kitchen and living room first, no sense in getting caught. He waited by her bedroom door several seconds before getting his nerve up to enter. God he hoped she slept in something.

When he walked in he saw Steph buried underneath her covers. She was laying face down with the pillows tossed on the ground. Cal got as close as he could to her taking the thermometer out of his pocket. He breathed in deeply preparing himself for his task.

Steph yawned and stretched as he was leaning over her trying to place the thermometer in her mouth. Cal froze.

Steph rolled over not even waking up, at least his job was easier now. Or at least as easy as it was going to be. He slipped the thermometer in between her lips and glanced at the clock. It should take less then thirty seconds then it would be all over.

At the end of the twenty seconds it took for the thermometer to read her temperature it beeped. Cal quickly grabbed the thermometer and hightailed it out of there.

The hallway was filled with the rest of the guys. Cal showed them the thermometer.

99.8

Shit there was another one to check off on the list. They guys would soon find out that the others would not be so easy to figure out.


	5. Day 3

**Standard Disclaimer Applies:** If I were Janet I wouldn't let anyone ever borrow Ranger he'd be mine and I wouldn't share.

**Day 3**

Steph woke up and was relieved that her head no longer hurt, her stomach however was still acting up. She felt absolutely terrible. She rolled over and looked at the clock four in the morning, which may be part of the reason why. She tried to go back to sleep but it was useless. She got up and decided to take a bath since she had the time to spare.

After her bath she went through her regular routine of getting ready for the day.

She managed to get a bowl of frosted flakes down along with more medicine that said it lasted longer than the leading brand. Since the dayquil squit on her before it was suppose she figured she might as well try something else.

Steph took the elevator to five and was greeted by Hector, "Hola."

"Hi Hector."

Hector moved past her into the elevator bumping in her as he went. She ignored it and went on to her cubicle to see what the guys had left for her to do.

Apparently the guys felt bad for her since she was sick since the only files she had were the ones from Rodriguez.

It only took her till lunch to get the files down, and this time she cut down on how much she was drinking she didn't want a repeat of yesterday.

On her way to lunch she ran into Tank.

"Hey Tank."

"How you feeling Bomber?"

"A little better, hopefully it will go away soon."

Tank looked at her puzzled. "You have a surveillance shift tonight with Lester."

"Okay."

"Um…" Tank tried to think of something that would lead to their problem of bloating. "Make sure you get down to the gym too."

Steph turned around and stared at him. "Excuse me?" She asked putting her hands on her hips.

"All Rangemen employees have to excerise and since Ranger is gone you aren't running so make sure you get to the gym."

"What exactly are you saying?"

"Nothing."

Tank went into the control room shutting the door behind him so she wouldn't follow. Hal and Bobby who were on monitors were laughing their asses off at the fool that Tank had just made of himself.

Steph stood outside the door staring at it unbelievingly. She shook her head and decided to eat lunch with the guys in the kitchen. Lester, Cal and Hector were sitting in there when she entered as she walked in she heard them discussing 'Operation Embarazado.'

"That's stupid pick a different name." Cal was telling Lester.

"No way man, you don't like it come up with one yourself." Lester shot back at him.

"How about Codename Quicksilver."

"What?"

"Yeah Quicksilver was used in WW2 is was the operation name for decieving the Germans with the wrong D-Day landings. And right now there is a whole lot of decieving going on."

Lester and Hector just stared at Cal.

"What?"

"What are you guys doing?" Steph asked.

"Hey Bomber, we're picking operation names."

"Hola."

Cal just nodded at her.

"Hey guys, why don't you use comething easy like a color or something?" She went over to the fridge and didn't see Lester nudging Hector to get him to go over to her.

"That'd be too easy Beautiful."

Steph turned out of the fridge with a tuna sandwich in hand and almost ran over Hector.

"Whoa, make some noise."

Hector said something in spanish that she didn't understand. He reached around her to catch the fridge door before it closed, hitting her in his attempt to catch it.

Hector apologized to Steph, who had no problem with it and went back to getting her lunch together.

When she turned to the table Lester and Cal had their heads together.

"Uh-oh are you two plotting something?"

"Maybe." Lester grinned.

Cal got up and left with Hector following him. Steph didn't notice that he didn't get anything out of the fridge.

Steph sat down with Lester. "I hear we have surveillance duty tonight."

"Yep that's what I was told. Don't worry Bomber I'll make sure you don't get bored."

Steph smiled at him. All of the guys knew that she got antsy pretty quick while on surveillance duty so they usually had something to keep her occupied.

"Hey, Lester, Tank said that all of the guys have to go down to the gym, that true?"

"No, we just have to get some kind of exercise in. He probably told you to go to the gym because he was worried you'd blow it off otherwise."

"So it isn't because you guys think I'm fat?"

"Beautiful, no way. I'll kick his ass for letting you think that."

"Thanks Lester, but I think I prefer to do that myself."

Lester threw his head back and laughed at the image of Steph going up against Tank. He would probably go easy on her too, he would be too worried that he was going to hurt her.

Steph followed Lester out of the kitchen and they both went back to their respective cublices to finish out on the days work. Steph decided to totally ignore Tank's suggestion of using the gym, espically since he insullted her.

Steph logged off her computer for the day a little after six, she waved to the guys in the control rooma dn went to take a nap before her surviellance shift started. From previous occasion she found out that the guys frowned upon sleeping on the job.

Lester caught up with her before the elevator doors closed.

"Hey Beautiful, we leave at ten to eight to go to the Madison property, we finish at one."

"Alright, Lester, I'm going to go take a nap now so I won't fall alseep later." Steph gave him a finger wave as the door closed.

Lester turned around and went to the control room where Bobby and Hal were sitting.

"She's taking another nap and Tank made her think that we feel that she is fat."

"I guess he is stumping on trying to figure out a way to see if she is bloating." Bobby commented wihtout takin his eyes from the monitors.

"Yeah that and Hector can't get a response out of her when he bumps in to her. I think Tank is going to have to settle for eight out of ten."

"Yeah right, he is already worrying over having to tell Ranger. He isn't going to settle on anyhting other than ten out of ten. I mean look.." Bobby pointed to the screen he was watching. Tank was sparring with Cal.

"How long they been going at it?"

"Almost an hour."

"Hate to be in his shoes."

"Whose Cal's or Tank's?" Hal wanted to know.

Lester thought about it, "Either."

"So what about code yellow?"

"Yellow? Why yellow?" Bobby asked.

"I dunno Steph overheard us talking aobut names today and she told us to use something easy like a color."

"No names, how about we wait till she isn't around to talk about it. There is no way I what to be anywhere near her when her temper flares." Hal insisted.

"Fine no names." Lester agreed grumpily.

Lester left the guys to go think up a way to get at least one of the symptoms crossed off their list.

_A/N: A big thank you to _batman40_ for suggesting the use of an operation name. Yes I did twist that suggestion around a little bit but I like the way it turned out_.

Also there is a poll on my page pertaining to Ranger's Distraction, if you could check it out and let me know what you think that'd be great.


	6. That Night

**Standard Disclaimer Applies **

**Day 3 -That Night**

They were into their fourth hour of watching this guys house, Lester had made no leighway. Steph was almost through her stash of food that she had brought with and her butt was already numb.

Steph was muching her way through a bag of chips when she saw Lester rub his forehead.

"Headache?"

"Yeah I took something for it earlier but it won't go away."

"Let me see if I have anything." Steph dug through her purse pulling stuff out and laying it on the seat.Lester sat there amazd that she could fit all of that in her purse. She finally pulled out a small bottle.

"I only have Midol."

Lester cringed, but that was what he was looking for. If she was carrying it around with her that meant she had cramps right? It sounded good to him.

"Actaully Beautiful I think that I am going to pass on that."

"Figures."

"Hey, I don't know what will happen if I take that. It is meant for women and I ain't no woman. What if I take that and I start thinking about other people's feeling and weeping all the time. What if I start worrying about how I look or if my butt looks good in my jeans. No way I ain't taking them."

Steph was killing herself laugh and almost missed that their skip was coming out of the house. "There he is." She pointed, as Their skip, Paul Nuritti was slinking to his car.

Lester was out of the truck and after the skip with Steph trailing behind. Lester had the skip on the ground with no help from Steph. She was holding the door open for Lester to get the skip in when he was able to off balance Lester.

Paul turned to run forgetting aobut Steph, Steph took a chance and lunged at Paul. She was able to knock him to the ground jarring her funny bone. Steph tried to hold her elbow and keep Paul from going anyhwere at the same time.

It didn't work.

Paul went to lash out with his foot right at Steph, Steph went duck and let go off his foot. Paul's foot missed Steph, the two were so occupied that they hadn't realized that Lester had gotten up. Paul scrambled to his feet as fast as one could with their hands handcuffed behind their back. Lester reached out and grabbed him by the cuffs so he couldn't get anywhere.

"You ok Beautiful?"

"Yep, he missed me." Steph dug around in her purse, she pulled out her stun gun and smiled.

"Wait a minute let's get him in the truck first I don't want to have to lift him in."

Steph nodded then waited while Lester fought with the skip to get him into the truck.

"He's all yours Bomber." Lester bowed and made a sweeping motion towards Paul with his hand.

"Thanks Lester." Steph calmly walked over to him and zapped him.

"Any time, Beautiful."

Steph got into the truck holding her elbow close to her waiting for that so not funny feeling to leave her funny bone. Why the hell do they call it the funny bone when it hurts when you hit it?

Lester looked over at her and saw that she was cradling her elbow. "You sure you ok?"

"Just hit my funny bone."

Lester just nodded and drove on to the police station. Together they unloaded Paul and got the reciept.

Steph climbed into the truck, then the next thing she knew Lester was standing beside her. Guess she feel asleep, she didn't even remember leaving the police station.

"Come on Beautiful." Lester went to pick her up.

"I can walk."

"I can just as easily carry you." He picked her up and brought her into the elevator. Steph leaned over to hit the four button as his hands were full.

Lester dropped Steph off at her apartment and then headed towards his own, he was unsurprised to find it filled with the guys. Most of them were drinking his beer.

"So?" Tank asked right away.

"Well…" Lester drawled out with a smug.

"Lester." Tank growled.

"If you can't tell Les, Ranger checked in today. He knew something was up." Bobby snickered. Tank hit him on the back of the head effectively shutting him up.

"I'm pretty sure that she has cramps." Lester said proudly.

"Pretty sure?" Tank boomed out. "What do you mean pretty sure?"

"Well she had Midol on her so that would indicate that right?" Lester asked.

The rest of the guys looked around agreeing with Lester's logic, why else would she be carrying it then?

"You went through her purse?" Hal exclaimed. Everyone immediately stopped talking and had the eyes glued to Lester.

Lester shook his head and his hands. "No way man, I faked a headache and she emptied it out herself to see if she had something for me to take." The guys nodded their heads.

"So we have only two more symptoms then." Tank muttered pacing the floor dreading the time he would have to tell Ranger.

"Well Tank you are in charge of the bloating one yourself. As long as you don't fumble it again and make her feel fat." Cal accused.

Tank was going to defend himself but the disapproving looks on his co-workers faces' stopped him. "I can't think of anything."

"And she isn't bothered at all when I hit her." Hector rattled off in spanish.

"I watched you 'hit' her today, Hector. It was merely a nudge." Lester disagreed with him.

"We try again tomorrow to see if we can get the last two. Either way we tell Ranger our suspicions the next time he calls." Bobby decided. The guys looked unsure but they agreed with him, eventually Tank did too.

_A/N: One more chapter left to go._


	7. Day 4

**Standard Disclaimer Applies **

**Day 4**

The next day the guys went all out, even though it was Tank telling the boss the news, they still wanted to be a hundred percent sure that it was the right news.

When Steph's pen rolled off her desk Ram was right there picking it up for her trying to 'accidentally' bump her.

When she printed off a search Cal was there getting his papers as well trying to reach around her to get his.

Hal tried complaining to her about his sister who was pregnant and how she was worried about bloating. Steph just listened to him rant and then went back to her desk.

Lester tried talking with his hands around her, but when he hit her she only hit him back and told him to watch it.

Steph was in the kitchen getting a water bottle, for some reason this water thing was really helping with her cold. Her nose hadn't been all that running and she never got to the coughing stage. There was just that one time she threw up but she thought that might be from taking the Dayquil on an empty stomach, but with her nose all stuffed up like it was she hadn't felt like eating. Steph was trying to get her cap off her water bottle when Hector walked in.

Hector watched her struggle with the cap, then held out a hand as an offer to do it. She relunctantly handed it over so he could open it for her. Surprisingly the cap was on there tight enough that Hector had to struggle to get it off. Hector came through though, but when he did he wasn't ready for it and his hands flew apart. The cap in one hand and the bottle in the other. The hand with the bottle in it flew into Steph, causing her to yelp in surprise, the Hector took that as a yelp of pain.

Woody walked in to see Hector apologizing over and over to Steph. Steph was waving it away saying that it was alright. Woody watched as Hector handed her the water bottle and quickly made his way out of the kitchen. Hector nodded to Woody on the way indicating that his job was done.

"You alright Darlin'?" Woody asked as he prepared to leave the kitchen himself.

"Of course I just wasn't expecting it." Steph said drinking from her water bottle.

Tank heard the commotion outside his office.

Shit.

Now it was just his turn, if he didn't figure it out, there would be no one left to blame but himself when he called the boss with incomplete information.

The guys kept waiting for Tank to come out of his office with a plan, it never came.

Steph sat in her cubicle not knowing that the boys worrying about her. It was almost lunch time when Steph's nose started to run again, she grabbed her purse digging through it hopping that she had stuck the Dayquil in there. After she dumped the contents of her purse on to her desk she found it. She took a capful, made the mandatory yucky face, blew her nose and went back to work. Then she remembered the last time she took Dayquil on an empty stomach. Glancing at the clock she decided that it was close enough to lunch time that she could eat.

She was almost to the kitchen when the elevator doors pinged open. She glanced up to see who it was and to wave to them. She froze.

It was Ranger.

"Ranger." She went running toward him. She threw her arms around him hugging him. Ranger put his arms around her bringing her closer to him.

"Uh, boss," Lester started in on him. "I hope you don't want the rest of us to greet you like that." The guys snickered but mostly they were just relieved that Ranger could worry over Steph's 'pregnant' problem himself.

"Report." Ranger immediately was back in charge wanting to know what he had missed.

The guys fell in telling him about surveillance, skips, houses they were doing sercurity on, and that Steph had not managed to attract any new stalkers.

When Lester had added in that last part Steph had tried to hit him but he danced away making a face at her. Tank was able to get him though, thunking him on the head hard enough to shut him up.

Ranger nodded and completely dissmissed the part where Tank had hit Lester.

Steph was regretting her decision to take the medicine on an empty stomach she flew from the control in to the bathroom. She didn't even both knocking she went to the first empty stall and emptied her stomach into it.

"Babe?" Ranger asked from the doorway.

"Ulk." Was all Steph was able to get out.

Ranger pulled her hair back out of the way and let her continue. When she was done he turned her to so she faced him. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Steph rinsed her mouth out with water and headed back out of the bathroom.

"Geez, Beautiful that's the second time this week." Lester commented, wanting to see Ranger's reaction.

"Second time, Babe?" Ranger asked his eyebrow shooting upwards in question. "Morning sickness?" He joked.

The guys around them froze waiting for the answer.

"Morning sickness? You think I'm pregnant?" She poked him in the chest with her finger. "I would have to be having sex in order to get pregnant."

The guys burst out laughing, releived that Steph hadn't been pregnant after all.

Ranger just rose an eyebrow his equivlant of a sigh and grabbed her wrist pulling her towards the elevator.

The guys on five looked around at each other after the doors had finished closing.

"Holy shit." Lester exclaimed.

"How the hell does a woman know she is pregnant when she always has those symptoms?" Bobby asked.

Cal gave him a dirty look. "Why would you ask that?"

"Who cares? It's over now." Ram said leaning against the wall.

"I wonder why she was throwing up then?" Hal asked.

The guys stood there looking from one another.

"Oh shit." Woody said looking around at the guys knowing he was about to get his ass kicked. "When we picked up a skip the day Ranger left he said he had a cold."

Tank, who had gone back into his office after Ranger and Steph left, came barreling out of his office straight for Woody.

"Gym now." He grunted out at him. He didn't even stop, he just continued to the stairs and out of sight.

"Geez, man, I bring you to the hospital afterwards okay." Lester said slapping him on his back.

"Oh man, you made him worry about telling the boss all over nothing." Bobby said as he walked away laughing.

Woody let his head drop as he slowly made his way down to the gym.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

Steph stood in the elevator staring at Ranger.

"Where are we going?" Steph asks as the doors closed.

Ranger only gave her his wolf smile and pressed the button for the seventh floor, using the fob.

"Oh."

When the doors opened on seven Ranger pulled her out and in to his apartment.

"Come on, Babe. Let's see if you remember how to do this." He was already pulling her shirt out of her pants.

Oh boy.

**The End**


End file.
